First, there are so many great posts on this, including this, this, and this.

But if you’re like me… you want to see variety. Just like there’s no such thing as a college essay that’ll guarantee you admission, there’s no such thing as a sure thing query letter. The best thing you can do is research and read what has worked for one person in one moment in time.

One important caveat as you send your baby into the world: much of your acceptance is outside your control... The agent has a full plate and isn’t taking new clients. She just took on a very similar author and doesn’t want to be redundant. He’s changing careers and handing his authors off. Or perhaps… the manuscript is great but it’s just not the right fit. You don’t want an agent who’s only lukewarm on your work.

That being said, there are some things that -- in my estimation -- are best practices and give you the best possible chance of succeeding.

But first, numbers. Since I started writing seriously six years ago, here are my stats:

2 literary agents who have represented me (a YA agent and an adult fiction agent)
7 offers of representation
30 full manuscript requests
110+ queries sent

That means that I have a 6.3% acceptance rate. That might seem low, and it is low. But that’s the reality and just means that you have to work harder, smarter, and have the stomach for a lot of waiting and rejection.

Okay. Here’s the query letter that got me five offers of representation in 2014.

Some things to keep in mind:

At the time, the book was called DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU EAT
The main character Tia was 18, not 22 as she is now. I was pitching it as a new adult title, but now it’s a full adult title.
Stevie is now named Elliott

Here’s the email in full, but then we’ll unpack it:

Hi AGENT NAME,

I'm writing to you about my new adult novel, DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU EAT, the story of an 18-year old girl who secretly writes the New York Times restaurant review.

I'm excited about the emergence of new adult as a category, and would love to work with a versatile agent like you. [SOMETHING PERSONAL DEPENDING ON AGENT]

Tia Monroe is no ordinary foodie…so why is she stuck in coat check? Tia is going to NYU for one reason: to intern for her longtime idol, food world visionary, Helen Lansky. But things don't work out as planned and now Tia is stuck in a closet, instead of a kitchen!

But the restaurant offers more than Tia expects, including one guest with a devastating, career-ending secret: Michael Saltz, the New York Times restaurant critic. Michael can no longer taste, and now he wants Tia to be his food-savvy accomplice. Tia can eat at any restaurant, order the most expensive dishes, and shop for whatever clothes catch her eye. All she needs to do is write his reviews, and after a few months, he promises to get her a job co-authoring a cookbook with Helen Lansky.

But there's a catch. Tia must keep her life with Michael Saltz absolutely secret. She must lie to her parents, who saved every last penny so she could study with Helen at NYU…to her high school sweetheart, Stevie, who has supported her love of food every step of the way...and especially to Pascal Fox, the hotshot chef who takes a suspicious liking to Tia, particularly when it's about time for his new restaurant to be reviewed.

It's hard enough being an 18-year old, but Tia's life gets even more complicated with last-minute 4-star lunches, fresh truffles on the house, and designer clothing delivered to her dorm room lobby. And with Michael Saltz taking all the credit for her wittier, sharper, more evocative reviews, is he really giving her the chance of a lifetime…or holding her back from pursuing her own dream? The whole world reads Tia's tasty reviews, but no one knows what's rotting underneath.

I graduated Yale University in 2006 with a degree in English and a Certificate in Fiction Writing. At Yale, I was the restaurant critic and food columnist for the Yale Daily News Magazine. I've published four children’s books for the doll series, Lei Lei, sold exclusively at FAO Schwarz. I'm currently the Community Director at HowAboutWe, an experience-driven web company that helps people fall in love and stay in love. I also blog at www.jessicatom.com.

I'd love for you to give the manuscript a read! The first two chapters are pasted below and the complete 88,000-word manuscript is available upon your request.

Thanks so much and looking forward to hearing from you.

All best,

Jess
[PHONE NUMBER]
[WEBSITE]

Okay, ready? Let’s dissect this.

THE INTRO

Hi AGENT NAME,

I'm writing to you about my new adult novel, DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU EAT, the story of an 18-year old girl who secretly writes the New York Times restaurant review.

I'm excited about the emergence of new adult as a category, and would love to work with a versatile agent like you. [SOMETHING PERSONAL DEPENDING ON AGENT]

MAKE SURE YOU SPELL THE AGENT’S NAME RIGHT. If you follow literary agents on Twitter, you’ll see this is a common gripe. If you can’t spell a person’s name right (or get it wrong altogether because of a sloppy mail merge), it sets a bad tone. Why should they pay attention to you if you didn’t pay attention to them?
Start with the one-line hook. Only one line. Cut out all flab.
Use the second paragraph as the “this is why I think you’re great/ why we could be a good fit”. Research the agent online. Publisher’s Marketplace is a great resource and you can drop astute industry knowledge, like “congrats on the XYZ deal! I’m excited to read it”.

THE SUMMARY

But the restaurant offers more than Tia expects, including one guest with a devastating, career-ending secret: Michael Saltz, the New York Times restaurant critic. Michael can no longer taste, and now he wants Tia to be his food-savvy accomplice. Tia can eat at any restaurant, order the most expensive dishes, and shop for whatever clothes catch her eye. All she needs to do is write his reviews, and after a few months, he promises to get her a job co-authoring a cookbook with Helen Lansky.

Make it snappy. Looking back on this, I think it was a little long. If I were to do it again, I’d tighten it by about 30% and wouldn’t include any names besides Tia Monroe and Michael Saltz. Think of a back cover blurb. You don’t need to get into every storyline, just the juiciness of the matter -- which in my case is food, fashion, deceit and disguises.

THE BIO

Include your writing credentials and anything else that bolsters your authority in writing this book. (My position at HowAboutWe is a bit of a stretch here… but at the time, I thought that my working at a dating site made me an “expert” on love).
Don’t try to overinflate yourself. Think of it this way: if you’re hiring someone (a manager, assistant, babysitter, lawyer, etc), it’s a big turn-off if the person makes themselves out to be the best thing on Earth. Be real, be you. And at the end of the day, unlike non-fiction, fiction depends more on your writing than your platform. So toot your horn at its appropriate sound level, and don’t sweat it too much.

THE CLOSING

I'd love for you to give the manuscript a read! The first two chapters are pasted below and the complete 88,000-word manuscript is available upon your request.

Thanks so much and looking forward to hearing from you.

All best,

Jess
[PHONE NUMBER]
[WEBSITE]

FOLLOW THE AGENT’S SUBMISSION DIRECTIONS. If they want two chapters pasted in the email, do that. If they want 50 pages, do that. If they want no pages, do that. Pay attention to their specs -- they’re there for a reason and you would be doing yourself and your work a great disservice if you didn’t respect that.
Include the total word count and mention that the manuscript is finished. For a debut novel, the manuscript has to be finished. I think it’s worth mentioning that the novel is complete, so the agent doesn’t have to worry about loving something that ends up being incomplete (and therefore, frustratingly unacceptable).
End with your phone number and website. I’ve never received a phone call right after a query… but to me I think it subtly signals that you are a real, reachable person who would love to take the conversation further than their sure-to-be-slammed inbox.

I’m not saying this is a magical formula. But it worked for me...and maybe will work for you, too.

THE INTRO

THE SUMMARY

THE BIO

THE CLOSING

BUY Food Whore: A Novel of Dining & Deceit on Amazon

The ROAD TO PUBLICATION POSTS

Featured RECIPES

Recipes by Ingredient

Recipes by Type